I wish I could understand my head, but at the same time I am realising that I will probably never be able to fully understand what is happening in my head.
Over the last three and a half months I have written in the order of 70+ pages of ramblings and thoughts that swirl around my head on an almost daily basis. And I am no closer to understanding what is going on inside my mind than when I started in mid February. If anything I may actually be more confused.
I have written about the stresses of work, the stresses of having a non-functioning cock for Minxy that works when with our play partners, the job hunting going on at the moment, and a multitude of other things that many of you are not privy to at the moment.
As a result of the lack of conclusion coming about from writing the shit in my head down, I am planning to resort to doing nothing about the things that I can not control.
I have purchased a book called F*ck Feelings, and the gist of the book is that we often give a damn about things that we have little to no control over. Because we give a damn about these things that we have no impact on, if something does not happen the way that we want, we get stressed about it and fall into a cycle of despair and worry over something we have no control over.
The main idea is that we should only give a damn about things that we can control and “fuck the rest of my feelings”. So I am trying to implement that into my life at the moment.
My brain thinks that I can control the thoughts of people, and I am not the only one, but F*ck Feelings is telling me that I should not think one iota about how/what people say about me because I can not control what they think or say, even though we like to think that we can.
So this is a giant FUCK YOU to the people who speak about me behind my back on Twitter, who think I should just go hide in the corner and “fix myself up”. I can not control what you think or say about me, but I can control who I choose to interact with.
So again FUCK YOU!!!
