There are numerous thoughts running through my head that is brewing constantly, some for many years. I may appear to be a happy and confident person on Twitter, but deep in my mind, I am the complete opposite. I despise my body and how it looks & operates.
There are many areas of my body that I dislike, more than is possible with this post.
My Uncaged Cock
One of my largest hangups is my cock. There are days that I wish my parents put me through the torture of circumcision as a child. There are others when I am glad they did not. This is from the sensitivity of my glans, presumably as I am uncircumcised.
I hate being the first person in a group situation to be on the brink of an orgasm during playtime. I hate not being able to pound a pussy (or arse) for more than three deep strokes before teetering on the edge.
It shits me to tears that I have to pull back from play situations so I can last longer than 2 minutes. Even withdrawing can trigger an orgasm.
My Caged Cock
The number of times that I have orgasmed accidentally makes me feel terrible. Almost to the point that I feel that my sex life would be better if I were a celibate man. I think this is one reason I like my cock being locked in a chastity cage. It allows me to not need the use of my cock so early during playtime, no matter who I am with.
Not only does my foreskin make me feel bad in the bedroom, but also in a chastity cage as well. I have to make sure that everything lines up to go to the bathroom (which is standard for most men in chastity). I also need to make sure that my foreskin does not get pinched during erections as well.
As well as the PE and the pinched foreskin, I also dislike how it looks when it is caged. Not liking how it looks caged also makes me ponder whether I should look for a different cage. Should we be spending money on something that may not fix my self-confidence about one aspect of my body?
I hate the roundness of my body, I am a larger person and I have been for the majority of my life. A lean and trim caged has only come about once with hours upon hours of swimming each week. I do not have the time to commit to that sort of regime, nor do I have the motivation to do so.
I feel as though I have come to accept being a large person, but I do not feel any better. All I do is see people doing less than me with massive transformations, or people whining they can not put on weight, and it shits me to tears. I look at food and I put on weight.
This is why I just want to be rid my body. This is my largest hangup of all. If I were to end my life, it would be because of my fat, ugly body.
I hate the sound of my voice. I hate hearing it played back at me. This is why I hate public speaking, this is why I would rather be behind the camera, this is why I stay quiet in situations, I don’t want to put people through the same things that I hate.
If I hate my voice, why should I put others through listening to my voice? I am no public speaker or public authority figure because I could never listen to myself when it is played back to me. I cringe at the sound of my voice. The world would be a better place if I was a mute.