As you are all aware, I have not been my usual self of late, and this is probably because I have been trying to come to grips with what has happened to me over the last 12-15 months or so since our (Minxy’s and my) journey has started, first into playing with another couple and then into parenthood. It has been a journey of ups and downs over that period. This post is an apology to those around me.
However as you are probably aware, my libido has not exactly been the stuff of a 30-something year old man. I have written about it numerous times on the blog. While I have not found the reason behind it, or the solution, I am thinking that it is fruitless to bring so much attention to it.
But the main reason for this post is an apology, an apology to the friends I have hurt the last few weeks, an apology for being a dickhead, an apology for being a jerk. I feel as though I don’t deserve people like them, even though I have treated them like shit the last few weeks, I am still not sure why they want to stick around. I do not deserve them.
But one thing I am having to learn is that often my head does not necessarily have the right thoughts. I need to learn to cast the wrong thoughts aside and focus on the positive ones, ones such as friends who want to stick by rather than walking away even after my dickhead actions & words.
I am realising that these last few weeks should be a learning moment, a moment that helps me overcome my negative thoughts of pushing people away when they want to stick around.