I find this is one of the most difficult words to use regularly. It doesn’t matter what the scenario is:
- it could be to myself buying a new “toy”;
- at work when someone requests some help;
- when it comes to doing something I don’t want to do with family/friends;
- when Minxy wants to do something with her boyfriend.
To me, it is impossible to say “no” in these and a multitude of other situations. I find that I am a “yes” man. If I’m not a “yes” man than I am non-committal to things asked of me.
Saying “no” is difficult no matter how great (or little) the hurt would be to the person on the other end of the conversation I am having. I am positive that saying “no” will have no impact on some, although I still feel responsible to answer with a “yes”, even to the possible detriment to myself.
I can say with some certainty, that there are times where I have said “yes” to something and it has clearly had a negative effect on me, whether it is short-term or ongoing. Some of the decisions have lead to being time-poor and not being able to help with something important. Other times, I question whether I am doing the right thing or not.
I had a realisation while writing this post. I feel as though my “I don’t know” is most likely a “no” for the majority of times that I say it. Why do I say it? Most likely to avoid disappointing the recipient of my no. My “I don’t know” may be frustrating to the recipient, but I then feel better about my response than giving an outright answer.
I wonder if my default position is to be non-committal. In reality, I should give an outright negative answer upfront, that way the recipient knows my position. Generally negative responses can be changed to positive ones later on when I am feeling more up to the task at hand.
Clearly, I need to be working on how to change my default behaviour away from being non-committal and towards commitment, even if that commitment is negative in nature. I see it being a somewhat difficult change for me given how long I have been non-committal in my behaviour to date. This needs to apply to all things in life including at work, at home and in my relationships with Minxy and my poly partner.