The weekend has been a rollercoaster in which I want to get off, but I can’t. I’m in the dip, the valley, I want to be going up to be at the top. But it will be some time, I know.
That very first time being away from bub, to have some fun, to let loose and just enjoy an evening with friends. But as plans changed due to unforeseen circumstances, new opportunities arose.
To see an opportunity to try new things, to grab it and to have it just taken away, to be told that you don’t understand.
To see all around me, people doing the things I want to try, knowing that I did grab that opportunity and to have it just snatched away.
It hurts to be left out. To be left behind. To be rejected. It seems to be the story of my life. Nothing seems to have changed much from being in primary school.
To lose friends over it. It hurt so much I cried myself to sleep. That’s how close I got to you, and you didn’t even ask about me, and it didn’t feel like you wanted to make amends.
So with a tear streaked face, I turn to face my day, to be a mother, carer and provider for my baby, still feeling the hurt and pain, but all locked inside.
Maybe I’m just too emotional and too trusting for this life.