Not sure if anyone has noticed the lack of my presence on twitter over the last few days. But that is due to a number of reasons, being that I’ve been sick which has caused me to feel very blah, unsexy and in general feeling kinda fugly about myself. And seeing other people on Twitter getting it on, well, lets say that it doesn’t help matters much, so it just becomes too much for me to handle, so I have turned off all notifications off completely, though I do occasionally check my DMs.
It’s been 7 days since I have been able to breath properly, so you can imagine what that does to one’s moods especially one that has a swelling belly. So my patience runs out very quickly, so for the last week I have just been feeling in general miserable. And I am still no better either, still stuck with the stuffy nose which is causing an irritatingly annoying cough.
With all this going through my mind, it makes me wonder how desirable am I really? I then tend to fall back into my old state of mind, that I am too fat for anyone to like me, or to even see me as a sexy Asian minx. I’m not as skinny as blah blah…despite the fact that I have a little tiny human growing inside of me. Don’t ask, the brain thinks in weird ways. And on top of that I can’t do things in the bedroom that I use to be able to do, and not being able to do these things just makes me feel inferior to everyone else, and that I am just not good enough, so who in their right mind would want me?
I just want to be touched, to be held, to feel beautiful, to feel sexy and to just be desired but being me. Nothing more, nothing less.